I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
