You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
