Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize