I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
