its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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