marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
