I cockslap morals
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
