My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
