Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
