How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
