My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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