I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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