Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
