She is in my trunk
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
