A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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