There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
