i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
