so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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