I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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