I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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