Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize