You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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