Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
