That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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