you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize