I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
