As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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