Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
