I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
