It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
