Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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