hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
