So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
