He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
