sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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