cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
