I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
