I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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