The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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