All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
