...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
