I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
