i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
