Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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