My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
