So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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