"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this hospital has no fireball
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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