can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
