she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am available for nakedness
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
