I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sext me about skeletons
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
