Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
