I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
