Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
