Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
