she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Houston, we have a squirter
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
