WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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