Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
