Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
