haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
