i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
