i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
