So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
