So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
