For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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