she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
