Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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