I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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