elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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