I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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