I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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