I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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