How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
