i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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