I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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