Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
