we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
