More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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