did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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