The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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