im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
