I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
